Wow! It's been so long since I had the time, or effort, to sit down and write something. this one especially took a lot of courage.
They say that everything happens for a reason, and I've always been a firm believer of this. though sometimes the reason may be vague or seems non existent. And sometimes, some things happen, leaving you wanting to rip all your beliefs apart (maybe even your hair, life,...everything) and then just vanish somewhere and maybe start life all over again - I wish! But there are some things, if not all, that are just not within your power.
What you can do though, is something I've learnt, something we've never heard of before....to embrace it. Yup. As hard as it sounds, one can never move foward if one does not wholly embrace things that have happened in the past. coming to terms with things that destroy you and your inner peace is probably one of the most difficult things to do, yet, most necessary.
I once read a book by Beth Harbinson, and the words she wrote has stayed with me. it still lingers at the back of my head. it was something about heartbreak and it went something like ".....what are you left with at the end of a broken relationship? Heartache....but mostly questions and doubts about yourself (not her exact words)
It's true, isn't it? All those nights and day spent thinking about how I wasn't enough, and how I'll never be enough. Staring blankly wishing I was 'her', 'her', or 'her'. Hm. Day by day you hate yourself more. bit by bit, you now understand why it all happened. "It's you SILLY! Your fault. it's always been your fault!"
Then comes the painful realization of how everything you've ever done and given is absolutely pointless. Maybe it was all forgotten about. Or worst. It was replaced. I was replaced. With something waaayyyy better. Gosh the angst that forms within your heart. The pain. Unexplainable. It makes you do "crazy woman things". Stuff that you will most definitely regret later on....but in my defence it made sense at that point. LOL.
And you think that's bad? I'll tell you what's worst. Seeing 'the other person', H.A,P.P.Y
Yup. Great isn't it? Like how could you. You monster. You heartless little son of Satan! 🙄
.....it can get worst but nevermind.
Sooo now with all this realizations comes the next phase. The angry phase. This is also the phase where you drown yourself in self love!
Slowly the anger fades away.
And self love. That isn't an easy phase either. One day you wake up all happy, bubbly, you love life and everything around you. And for a moment it all feels alright. The very next moment, you're at your worst and you can almost feel the grey clouds around you, metaphorically speaking of course.
AND....the next you're posting Instagram stories of you having "so much fun" & "how much you love life". FACADE. Ugh. Millenial problems (...not complaining)
Coming to the part when you're finally okay. Well that took A LOT OF patience, a GREAT bunch of friends ( You guys know who you are. i cannot thank y'all enough, but from the bottom of my heart thank you for being there for me through my worst. I love you all so, so much! AND I PROMISE to make up for all the tissues you guys wasted on me hehe), and an understanding and supportive family.
But most importantly, it takes guts. To forgive. To let go. And to believe in miracles, magic, madness, love....all over again.
By the end of it , I understood that it really did happen for a reason. I grew up, I learnt a lot. I became a better me....for me, and I now attract what's best for me. Better things are definitely happening. I see it, I feel it, and it's amazing! The rainbow after the storm thingy? ooh it's real. And sometimes the "rainbow" does not necessarily mean someone/something else. but it's you. It's been you all along!
You become a rainbow first, then you find the other rainbow along the way......then you make cute sparkly rainbow babies. ookayy kiddin' (...unless?) 🙈🙈
I'm not going to be typical and say that "I'm glad it all happened...bla bla bla ", because in no way did it make me "glad", at any point, ever. BUT it does get better, and it makes more sense day by day. So I guess it's alright.
I came up with this pretty intellectual analogy....😉
Heartbreaks are like a scar. At first the wound is all fresh and bloody. It hurts a lot.and you just want it out of the way. Slowly it heals. You forget about it. Get on with life. But somewhere (though tiny), the scar remains. And it will always remain, because it's a part of your story....and your story is incomplete without it.
So lets keep loving while we can?
XoXo
They say that everything happens for a reason, and I've always been a firm believer of this. though sometimes the reason may be vague or seems non existent. And sometimes, some things happen, leaving you wanting to rip all your beliefs apart (maybe even your hair, life,...everything) and then just vanish somewhere and maybe start life all over again - I wish! But there are some things, if not all, that are just not within your power.
What you can do though, is something I've learnt, something we've never heard of before....to embrace it. Yup. As hard as it sounds, one can never move foward if one does not wholly embrace things that have happened in the past. coming to terms with things that destroy you and your inner peace is probably one of the most difficult things to do, yet, most necessary.
I once read a book by Beth Harbinson, and the words she wrote has stayed with me. it still lingers at the back of my head. it was something about heartbreak and it went something like ".....what are you left with at the end of a broken relationship? Heartache....but mostly questions and doubts about yourself (not her exact words)
It's true, isn't it? All those nights and day spent thinking about how I wasn't enough, and how I'll never be enough. Staring blankly wishing I was 'her', 'her', or 'her'. Hm. Day by day you hate yourself more. bit by bit, you now understand why it all happened. "It's you SILLY! Your fault. it's always been your fault!"
Then comes the painful realization of how everything you've ever done and given is absolutely pointless. Maybe it was all forgotten about. Or worst. It was replaced. I was replaced. With something waaayyyy better. Gosh the angst that forms within your heart. The pain. Unexplainable. It makes you do "crazy woman things". Stuff that you will most definitely regret later on....but in my defence it made sense at that point. LOL.
And you think that's bad? I'll tell you what's worst. Seeing 'the other person', H.A,P.P.Y
Yup. Great isn't it? Like how could you. You monster. You heartless little son of Satan! 🙄
.....it can get worst but nevermind.
Sooo now with all this realizations comes the next phase. The angry phase. This is also the phase where you drown yourself in self love!
Slowly the anger fades away.
And self love. That isn't an easy phase either. One day you wake up all happy, bubbly, you love life and everything around you. And for a moment it all feels alright. The very next moment, you're at your worst and you can almost feel the grey clouds around you, metaphorically speaking of course.
AND....the next you're posting Instagram stories of you having "so much fun" & "how much you love life". FACADE. Ugh. Millenial problems (...not complaining)
Coming to the part when you're finally okay. Well that took A LOT OF patience, a GREAT bunch of friends ( You guys know who you are. i cannot thank y'all enough, but from the bottom of my heart thank you for being there for me through my worst. I love you all so, so much! AND I PROMISE to make up for all the tissues you guys wasted on me hehe), and an understanding and supportive family.
But most importantly, it takes guts. To forgive. To let go. And to believe in miracles, magic, madness, love....all over again.
By the end of it , I understood that it really did happen for a reason. I grew up, I learnt a lot. I became a better me....for me, and I now attract what's best for me. Better things are definitely happening. I see it, I feel it, and it's amazing! The rainbow after the storm thingy? ooh it's real. And sometimes the "rainbow" does not necessarily mean someone/something else. but it's you. It's been you all along!
You become a rainbow first, then you find the other rainbow along the way......then you make cute sparkly rainbow babies. ookayy kiddin' (...unless?) 🙈🙈
I'm not going to be typical and say that "I'm glad it all happened...bla bla bla ", because in no way did it make me "glad", at any point, ever. BUT it does get better, and it makes more sense day by day. So I guess it's alright.
I came up with this pretty intellectual analogy....😉
Heartbreaks are like a scar. At first the wound is all fresh and bloody. It hurts a lot.and you just want it out of the way. Slowly it heals. You forget about it. Get on with life. But somewhere (though tiny), the scar remains. And it will always remain, because it's a part of your story....and your story is incomplete without it.
So lets keep loving while we can?
XoXo
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