After all this time, WHY just why are some 3ams JUST SO HARD to get through. There’s just so much going on in my mind and heart. 3 years ago, you would’ve said I am ‘prolonging’ it. I quote you, “don’t be shameless....”. My heart still drops....as I type it out. But you cannot say that anymore can you? I’ve done everything in my power and more. Walked away and never looked back, stayed away in ways I didn’t think I could. Totally and completely alienated myself from you.
I know it’s just so stupid. Like does she not have anything else to do??? All she does is circle back to this? I know, it’s EXHAUSTING, even more so for me! Because I’ve tried and tried so hard. For the longest time I thought I made it, was over it, I fell out of love (finally), ‘moved on’. When conversations with my friends involved another name. Little did I know it was just a phase....
It’s 3.30am, 24th November 2021, “I almost do" by Blondie aka Taylor Swift (yes ya girl is a Swiftie lol) is playing on a loop in the background. I sit in my pjs, slamming words on my Mac. I could have just wrote this in my journal but I wanted to sit in my dimmed lights so blog it is lol. Now I‘m just rambling? Ok back to the main point....
Just a few days ago it was the 18th, and if you know you know. But it baffles me.....THREE years? Really? Has it been that long. Crazy how it feels like things just happened yesterday. I remember everything. The good and the bad. Each and every word, said to my face and behind my back. Every facial expression and how my heart felt like it was punched a thousand times when you said things in the name of being honest. Yes i quote my girl Ms Swift, I remember it all too well.
You know it’s funny because somewhere back in my mind I didn’t think it’ll be a forever thing. I always thought you’d come back. But looking back, i just feel so, so stupid. It was all satire to you, maybe I really was delusional af. Jesus.
So fast forward 3 years, life is good, most days I’m fine but I cannot lie, there are so many moments when you cross my mind, and my heart sinks. I wonder if you ever think about me too? Not romantically but like just wondered how I am or something idk.
I’m convinced you don’t even remember me anymore (TEACH ME HOW PLS). Anyway, i think RED TV has just made me a lil extra emotional hehe, so I’m just gonna leave this rant here.
I keep telling myself everything happens for a reason, and it sure did because I definitely grew as a person. But I really do I hope this feeling fades away, soon. And no, I am not prolonging it (uuuuu girl being saltyyyyyy). K gtg!
2022 I will get a new boy to whine about gosh I’M SICK OF THIS MYSELF. Hahahaha sorry guys thanks for sticking till the end ILY <3 Also I hope you got all the RED TV references hehe!
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