THE UPDATE YOU DID NOT ASK FOR...

.....But I'll give you some anyway....

So remember the last time I blogged about ‘the wrong bus’? This is sort of the continuation? To keep you in the loop. 

 

So many things happened since, I was optimistic so much that if there was an award for being positive when life is literally taking a big unplanned U turn, I would bag them all. I see all my plans being crushed one after the other, while I just watch helplessly. 

 

I missed graduation....an event I looked forward to since I was a little kid. I remember going to my cousins graduation, and how happy everyone was. I dreamt of wearing the same robe and receiving tons of flowers from friends and family. Taking the classic graduation portrait, and finally putting it up on the spot on the wall that was saved for me in my family home. 

 

All my friends and almost everyone I knew were graduating. And it hurt, so bad. But me being me, I was so supportive, cheering them on. I really was genuinely happy and excited for them. Especially my closest bunch! They looked so good and they made me proud indeed. But i felt so left out. The gang was incomplete....

And here’s the HARSH truth, I missed all of this because of FIVE marks in one subject. *deep sighs*. I mean at the end of the day no one is gonna ask the minute details right. It just comes down to a simple, “did you make it? - “yes”, then GREAT, congratulations we’re so proud of you. “No”, okay better luck next time. 

 

I tried to stay away from social media as much as i could on the day of the graduation ceremony, you know, mental health over everything else. I made it, fortunately I was not asked a single question. Although even if they did, it wouldn’t have bothered me, this feeling of sadness and missing out was more than just a random, “what would people say”, situation. It was about me, my journey and how I was so close but so far. 

 

While I was digesting this, I also got to know I would not make it in time to register for my Legal Practice certificate.....They needed my degree certificate which was almost impossible to get from University of London within 2 weeks. OKAY NOW WHAT...

 

Looks like life is on a roll, throwing rotten lemons my way. I know I said previously that everything happens for a reason but I cannot seem to see the light at the end of the tunnel. It’s a suffocating feeling. I have to get out of this. 

But how? Because of this pandemic, I’ve been stuck at home for over a year. Even had to do the whole of my final year online. Honestly there’s so much to be grateful for. Family, a roof over my head - a really comfortable one too, more than enough food, everything I want and need, and a bunch of really good friends. Like am I being ungrateful? I don’t think so, sometimes it does get hard. I’m way past the age of being home, especially with an elderly bunch, it gets toxic sometimes. I need a breath of fresh air. God forbid if I have to do this for another year, I don’t think I’ll survive. 

 

Of course I love home, I love my family and most importantly my room (shoutout purple den!!), but it’s time, you know? To move back to the city and get on with life....how long more do I sit around and do nothing? Time is most certainly not waiting for me. 

 

I’m still trying to be as optimistic as possible, but I do have breakdowns and anxiety attacks thinking about where life is taking me. This time I’ve totally surrendered to my main man, Jesus. I’m weary and tired so I’ll let him take the wheel. Jeremiah 29:11: For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. And so my faith shall take the lead.